*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Its only two and the sky's as dark as a tax-collecter's heart. This lousy feeling's been coming back to me. I feel like locking the door, trashing my room, destroying everything, and sit in the middle of the debris and cry my heart out. Does anyone out there know how I feel.. Can anyone out there know how I feel...? I'm feeling so awful, but I dont know what the tears rolling down my cheek are for.. Can someone just walk up to me and shoot me in the brain with a gun.. Jon even told me to be grateful for what I have.. Exactly what do I have?.. Nothing has been going right for me.. I try.. I fail my subjects. I pass a chinese test.. But its all a fluke.. The marks were counted wrongly.. I thought I had something to be proud about.. But I dont have anything.. I dont even have someone's arms to run into.. I wait for the one I love.. I ruined my own relationship.. And now I want it back?.. Fat hope.. Although I dont believe in retribution this indeed feels like it.. Even loving someone is so hard.. Friends give me more problems than I can handle.. Gab's flaring up whenever something's not going her way.. I just want to shoot myself in the head and go up to heaven.. At least there I can be rid and free of all my problems.. I have someone to help "ease" the "pain" and my grandma simply had to take that away.. Its Cleo.. When she first came I could play with her and I just felt all my problems becoming smaller and smaller.. Ah.. Why am I typing all these out anw.. Its probably gibberish to anyone who reads it..